Week 45 2026 - A Family Value - Lorraine Sheridan and Nathaniel Dillingham

'Don't believe anything you hear, and only half of what you see' was a common statement from my mother when a conversation turned to so and so said this or so and so did that.  And it wasn't just when I was young, but even as adults she would quickly admonish us if the 'rumors' began to fly.

That statement has stayed with me throughout my life. And it was a missive I shared with our daughters while they were growing up. Just because the spoken word is there, make sure you do your homework to form your own opinion.  Too often, hearsay becomes accepted as fact simply because a story has been repeated over and over. But repetition does not make something true, and without evidence, the burden of proof has not been met.

And if you saw something you questioned; well probably it was not as bad or telling as you first thought.  

Doing research, you sometimes form an opinion about someone from your ancestorial past that maybe you should have not jumped to conclusions about.  Maybe there is more to their story.

My great-grandfather was not a large man (5' 9"), and at the age of 24 he followed his beliefs and enlisted and fought in the Civil War from 1862-1865 as a member of Captain Alpheus M. Blakeley's Company E 74th Regiment Illinois Volunteer Infantry. After he was mustered out, Nathaniel Dillingham born August 25, 1838, in Troy, NY followed his parents and siblings to various areas of Iowa and finally settled in Manning, Iowa. There he married Ellen Berry December 25, 1867, in Rockwell, Iowa and they had a total of 14 children of which my grandmother Nellie was the youngest.

Nathaniel G & Ellen Dillingham

Researching the various children over the years, I discovered that a few of them were not good citizens and spent time in jail for different crimes ranging from petty thievery to murder. Contact with other researchers that were following other siblings, I often heard 'he was up to no good' and 'he got what he deserved'. And the biggie: maybe they were that way because of the way they were raised.

Nathaniel may have had a few children who were on the other side of the law, but he himself followed the rules and did the best he could. He fought to preserve our country and possibly tried to hold others to his standards. Was that right or wrong?

It seems clear that he was a respected member of the Manning community. His friends and neighbors must have known him as an upright, honest, and law-abiding man. The fact that the mayor of Manning issued a proclamation upon his death speaks volumes about the regard in which he was held by the community he called home.

...."That our business houses close from 2 until 4 pm, Friday June 23, 1922; 

that our citizens generally cease from their labors during said time as a mark of respect for this veteran;

that our flags be flown at half-mast as tokens of esteem for this soldier who has answered the last roll call...."

(Partially taken from the Manning Monitor Thursday, June 22, 1922)

Maybe those who were so quick to point fingers and assign blame for his children's misdeeds should have taken a closer look before deciding who was truly at fault.   

Barbie

A family value isn't always something written down or spoken aloud. Sometimes it is something you learn by watching the people who raise you.